I am afraid I’ve deceived you dear reader. This will NOT be a horrifying tale of Terror, Mystery and Daring-do. What you are beholding with your amazed eyes is the culmination of years of effort on my part …… to become an Ironing Master! My sensei decided that before I could join the Elite Guard of Zen Ironing Masters, I would have to write a magnum opus that would astound the world. Thus I reveal secrets long hidden, forgotten by the world at large. I charge you, dear reader, keep these secrets deep within yourself, or the reality we know may be destroyed by knowledge I am about to show you.
Long, long, LONG ago my Siamese Twin and I were born. This was before cell phones, before Al Gore invented the internet and quite possibly before the dinosaurs went extinct. We’re still debating that. But what’s important is that our Psychic Grandma separated us and sent me to the East and my Twin to the West, depending on which way she was standing at the time. Needless to say, I grew up in the rough streets of America while my twin grew up in the lap of luxury, with the Queen of England practically feeding him grapes on command. Psychic Grandma died expending her powers and we never knew her or that we had a twin.
Alas, my destiny to become THE Ironing Master was derailed. While a mere stripling I did manage to master the T200 iron, but without further help, I was stuck and stagnated for years. Until that fateful day.
That day when Psychic Grandma revealed herself to me and showed me that I had a Twin, one who was already an Ironing Master. One from whom I could learn the True Path of Ironing and take back my Fated Destiny! Thus, Film-Authority and Bookstooge stood once again back to back. Evil would fall before us like dominoes. Particularly badly balanced dominoes too!
Was this good enough for Psychic Grandma though? Oh no! She started haunting me and wailing at midnight and shaking chains at the most inconvenient of times.
So I began my Iron Master training in earnest. Up at noon time, in bed by 5am, eating nothing but pepperoni or supreme pizzas with extra cheese, writing extra blog posts too. It was brutal! But it got Psychic Grandma off my back and that was totally worth it.
So I stand before you all today, a Humble Iron Master, to tell you that I’m pretty much the Best Iron Master ever and if you don’t think so then I’ll sic our Psychic Grandma on you and THEN you’ll be sorry!
This post has been crossposted at both MastersofIroning & Bookstooge.
I’ve been reading this blog for some time, and thrilled to see this kind of thought-provoking article. It’s inspiring to hear of your journey to enlightenment, and I can’t help feeling it’s the first giant step to a glorious new tomorrow! I rate this post five out of four and a half!
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Thanks! Psychic Grandma was a huge inspiration for everything. Someday I’d like to write an inspirational post about how much she truly affected me.
Speaking of enlightenment, I’ve got some chicken pot pies in the oven and I feel like I’ll reach enlightenment in about, oh, 30 minutes.
5 out of 4 1/2? I’ll take it! Gives me something to aim for next time. Next time I’ll pull out all the stops and go for 1000 out of 3.14 stars.
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I’d be keen to see a future post all about pies, let’s not feel constrained by the ironing theme, because ultimately, everythging IS ironing, and everying is not ironing; the true master makes no distinction. And you must have the best ratings system on WP, constantly surprising….
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Heck, maybe I could iron the pie crusts with the power of your mind. That way I wouldn’t even have to use my own mind. Save on wear and tear you know?
Rating systems are definitely personalized. I like to think mine is the best though 😉
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If you’re using my mind to iron your pie crusts, put my mind in the dishwasher afterwards to get the hard bits off….and remember to put a tablet in, doesn’t clean things right otherwise.
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I like to handwash things in the sink. Dishwashers are for millennials…
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But a fantastic way to cook trout, wrapped in tin foil…
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Huh, the things you learn while blogging!
next time I’m out hunting Moby Dick, that cute little rascal, if I get some trout, I’ll be sure to try this. Thanks!
You know though, I do wonder why Psychic Grandma didn’t tell me that tip about the trout. I guess this is just confirmation that you’re her favorite siamese grandson.
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Let’s not argue about who Psychic Grandma favorited, it’s not the manner of the true master!
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Being an Ironing Master is harder than I thought! I’d better go practice on those pie crusts…
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I don’t think I’d like to meet psychic Grandma anytime soon, so all hail great grand ironing master Bookstooge! 🤣
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Well, thank goodness I have Raist as a backup plan then. SOMEBODY has to get saddled with Psychic Grandma and I feel that I’ve done my bit.
Thank you 😀 😀 😀
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As if one time wasn’t enough, now I see it on your own blog as well…and get hit with all those emotions again😢😢😢😢 And during my lunchbreak of all things! I’m calling in sick this afternoon…I have become too much of an emotional wreck😢😢😢
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Think of it as a Toughening Up process. Kind of like overcooking chicken until you can barely cut it with a knife.
And besides, if I can’t foist Psychic Grandma off on you, I’m doomed!
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🤔🤔 Well…I don’t know….I had a pretty good afternoon I guess, but then the voice of Psychic Grandfather started again telling me I’m no good….it’s tough to stay strong. I hope you won’t be doomed. Just tell her that you are the Master of Ironing and she can still be Queen..I’m sure that will help🤔🤔😂😂
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Kick Psychic Grandpa in his psychic butt!
😀
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I will do my best…..🤔🤔🤔
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Do you fear being made obsolete by wrinkle-free fabrics and dryers?
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A true Master of Ironing fears nothing. And we will never be obsolete. Just like coffee cups 😉
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Imagine you were actually part of a triplet 3d one got sent to the South, he is only a Metal master… Great post, thanks for the laugh. It was well needed
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Glad it amused you 😀
I know I made myself laugh my head off, but sometimes my humor simply isn’t for everyone.
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I don’t even know what to say. I have no words.
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Then I consider this post a complete success! 😀
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Stop the Internet.
After this post, no further content is needed.
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Hahahahaa 😀 Blew your mind eh? Don’t worry, I blew my own mind just writing it 😀
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Milking much ? 🤣
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Absolutely! The whole point of my blogging, besides being a record of what I read, is to get the words out from inside. And since my humor is rather, um, unique, it tends to manifest in things like this 😀
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Inquiring minds want to know: what’s your favorite band? Iron Maiden, perhaps? 😛
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I had to stop and think and you know what? I don’t think I actually have a favorite band. Almost all of the music I like is by individuals or duos (Enya, Amethystium, Secret Garden, Yanni, etc).
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I really was hoping that the post title was a real book! I’d have been running off to grab it!
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Hahaha, oh man, can you imagine a book like that? That would be awesome.
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Did you actually create another blog to legitimize this… ironing journey??? 🤣🤣🤣
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I honestly can say I did NOT create a blog created solely for the idea of ironing. However, I might have had a hand in the instigation of its creation and continued existence.
In other words, nobody knows nuthin’ ’round here, coppah!
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